MB has an appointment... (part 1)

...at the supermarket.

I've been with MB for some months now... and it has been quite an experience.

Our very first outing...

MB: Now we're going to the super... er... the you know... that place up there tomorrow morning. Is that right? (she said as she pointed in the vague direction of where the local shopping centre was)
Me: The supermarket? Yes we are... and you say you know what you need... (she hasn't written a shopping list, this woman can't remember the name of the place, but she's going to shop from memory... this'll be good)
MB: Oh yes... they have everything there... it's marvellous.

After a few minutes, MB was back in the room and said...

MB: You'll probably want to look around at things... so I'll get what I need while you look around.
Me: Oh I don't need to get anything for myself.
MB: No but you'll want to look around! (That was an expectation... an order almost)
Me: (So what's going on...?) Um... nah, I guess I've seen what's in a supermarket before, so we'll go around together.

This didn't seem to satisfy her and she walked off in a huff. But that exchange did make me wonder... if she was a 7 year old instead of a 78 year old, I'd be suspicious.

Before bed that night MB came and found me again and reminded me that we needed to be there by 8:00am.

Me: But it's Sunday tomorrow, will the doors even be open?
MB: Yes they'll be open... they've never been closed before at eight.
Me: But why do we have to be there so early?
MB: Tut... (That's right, she tutted me) To get there before the crowds of course.
Me: What crowds? What's so special about tomorrow that there'll be crowds of people desperately wanting to get into the supermarket.
MB: Don't be so silly! They won't be desperate to get in... there'll just be lots of them.
Me: Okay... we'll go early.
MB: And if you want to look around a bit, you can without too many people getting in your way.
Me: (WHAT??? What is she on about?)

Well Sunday morning came and I slept in a little and by the time I emerged from the bathroom and bedroom, all clean and presentable, it was just minutes before 8:00am.

I could see that MB was well and truly ready to go. She had her make-up on, her jacket and shoes on, her handbag in her lap and a couple of 'eco' shopping bags rather than bringing the shopping home in plastic bags. As I walked up the hallway and saw her sitting on the couch, she looked like she could just as well been sitting at the bus stop. In fact in the few seconds it took me to approach the lounge, she looked at her watch twice.

Me: (In a nice lilting tone...) Good morning...
MB: (In a tone that made a 'heart monitor's flat line' sound musical...) Morning.

Okay, to be there by eight, we should've left about five minutes ago.

Me: I see you're ready to go...
MB: Of course I'm ready to go.
Me: And we will... in just a few minutes because I need to check my emails.

I sat at the dining table where my laptop was.

MB: (Getting up and huffing off out of the room...) Well I may as well take my jacket off then!

Me: Parden...? What was that...? (It was said to herself but intended for my ears... I heard her and she chose not to repeat it)

A moment later MB wandered back in and went towards the couch, she still had her jacket on, and as she sat down she raised her arms in a gesture of despair.

Me: What's the problem...? I'll only be a few minutes.
MB: It's gone eight o'clock, we're late.
Me: Late for what???
MB: No don't worry, we'll just go when you're ready, we're late now anyway.
Me: But it's Sunday morning, there'll be no difference in crowd size between eight and eight thirty.
MB: Oh how would you know that?
Me: Look, there'll be some early birds, but most people won't go until around ten o'clock when the rest of the shopping centre shops open. Not everyone has an eight o'clock appointment you know.
MB: Now you're just being silly, it's not a Doctor's... um... you know... of course they don't make appointments... that's why you have to get there early.
Me: Well if you stop distracting me for five minutes...
MB: Five minutes??? (and the arms went up in despair again) It's already five past.

I chose to ignore the gesture this time... and I decided to ignore my emails too. As I stood up I said...

Me: (In that lilting tone again in an effort to lighten the mood) Well come on... we'll be late if you don't get a move on.
MB: (Glaring at me...) You didn't even do anything on your... that thing... (as she pointed to the laptop) you were just wasting time.
Me: No... after you... oh never mind, sorry, let's get a move on.

We don't have that argument any more, because we're always at the supermarket by eight o'clock.

Okay...

So as we walked into the supermarket, MB, armed with her green 'eco' shopping bags, said...

MB: Well you take a look around, and I'll get what I need.
Me: Okay, I'll catch up with you before we need to go through the checkout.

And off I went down the first aisle as MB trundled off along the ends of the checkouts heading, I assumed, to the refrigerators to where her frozen dinners were. But as soon as I got to the end of the first aisle, I hurried up to the beginning of the second aisle so that I could see what MB was doing. Now I hadn't been shopping with MB before so I was quite keen to find out how she manages to do it... especially without a shopping list. I had discovered as soon as I moved in that her memory was about as long as a Gold fish's memory.

As I got to where I thought I'd see MB, she wasn't in sight... 'Uh-oh, she's escaped...' was my first thought and I wondered if Centre Management would be open this early so I could have an announcement made over the public address, something like...

Centre Mngmt: Attention please... we have a lost Tubby Bear at the Information Desk, would Mrs. Bear please come and collect your son.

How embarrassing.

Just then I saw MB... at the end of a closed checkout... they cleverly place impulse purchase items on the checkout shelving, and that's what MB was doing... selecting a few of her favourite sweet treats. Isn't she cute...

I could see her grabbing a couple of packs of each of Caramels, Strong Mints, throat lozenges and mini chocolate bars. She always has any one of these treats in her mouth at just about any time through the day. Yes, she's grabbing her special lollies... AND... SECRETING THEM IN HER HANDBAG!!!!

SHE'S SHOPLIFTING???

Surely not.

I decided to give her the benefit of the absent mind, and walk up and join her for the rest of the shopping and no doubt as we go out through the checkout I'll remind her that she placed her lollies in her handbag. But as I stepped up out of the blue she did exactly what any one of my kids have done when they first tried to knock stuff off and Dad walked in halfway through the act. I don't need to describe it if you've experienced it, it's universal and unmistakeable.

If I had forgotten the nervous, red faced, sprung doing something wrong look that my kids had, then I was reminded exactly what it was by the caught the headlights look that greeted me as I stepped up to MB.

Her reaction clearly showed that she had planned this heist. She had clearly done this before, and was keen to get me out of the way so that she could work the 'job' on her own. She knew the night before, in fact, that this was going to happen today.

And I could see that she was quite accomplished at it too.

Accomplice...???

Oh great... and now I'm an accomplice.

I was embarrassed for her, I was shocked and I was flabbergasted and I didn't know what to do. I decided to think on it as we completed the shopping.

I watched her closely and the rest of the supermarket shopping "Went off without a hitch Bugsy." Sorry... not called for I know.

By the time we got to the checkout I had decided to see what happened... well you know, there was room for doubt, she may have just popped them in there with the full intention of paying for them and the rest was my vivid imagination.

But alas, at the checkout she was very guarded about her handbag and was very careful not to open it wide enough for the contents to be seen. We went through without incident.

Sigh... now I would have to confront her about it. But we still had the Green Grocer's (produce store) to go to before going back to the car and home, I decided to wait until we were home before confronting her.


This is far longer than I thought it would be, so I'll leave it here for now and complete the story in part two.

Part 2: 'Light fingers' MB and the Avocado...

Cheers.