Mama Bear...

This post was inspired by Romany Angel’s lovely piece on her family and in particular her mother. I hope I can do as well with mine as she did with hers… post that is… and mother too, of course.

I live with my mother. Nothing unusual there except I’m fifty five years old and she’s not really my mother. She’s 77 years old and I moved in with her about six months ago.

She’s my Stepmother.

Her name is Mama Bear, or MB if you prefer, and we’ve been a part of each other’s lives for the best part of fifty years, although this is the very first time in my life that I’ve actually lived with her. My personal life took quite an unexpected turn earlier this year and I wound up moving in with MB. But I soon found out that she needed me as much as I needed a place to live.

You see, MB has Alzheimer’s disease. I had no idea until I moved in with her, at which time I could see she had severe memory problems. I had her assessed and it's been confirmed.

Actually I think the diagnosis is wrong… I’m convinced that there’s another, yet to be documented disease called Selective Alzheimer’s. Mb definitely suffers from… no… not suffers from… MB definitely benefits from Selective Alzheimer’s.

MB is an appropriate initial for Mama Bear because she has the demeanour, the attitude, and the self centred single mindedness of Mr Bean. She’s just not quite as bumbling as he is, but I swear that they’re related… she even walks exactly like he does with knees slightly bent, elbows cocked and wrists limp. She (and Mr Bean) get that look of determination on their face when on a mission, when concentrating on a task.

Anyway, here’s a pic of Mrs. Bean… sorry… I mean Mama Bear;

MB in her prime.

What's this all about? Well I’ve decided to introduce you to my life with Mama Bear.

I guess my relationship with her is just like any other Parent / Child relationship… especially if the parent is 5 years old and the child is forced… obliged… duty bound… (hang on, I’ll get it)… magnanimously taking care of her for lack of any other arrangement that might see here locked… put away… accommodated… in a purpose built pris… care facility.

I know… I can just hear you now… you’re going to have a go at me because… “I should show concern and respect for her, after all she was your father’s wife and…” Now wait a minute, before you go off half cocked and all high and righteous… I love MB very much and I wouldn’t wish anything bad to befall her in any way… eventually.

So I’d like to point out now that I intend to just tell you what's been happening, without embellishment or any cheap shots at her expense. My intentions are pure and I’m simply displaying for you what it’s like looking after ones mother in the twilight of ones… her years. If you find any of it humorous in any way, then shame on you.


And here's a little snippet for you now;

I phoned MB yesterday…

Before I start, it’s handy to know that a couple times a week, when I arrive home from work, MB tells me of the phone calls she has had that day…
MB: … and you know, they just keep ringing
Me: Who? Who keeps ringing you?
MB: (Vague look…) Hm? Who rang?
Me: No, you were telling me that you got a call today… and that they just kept ringing you… how many calls did you get and who was it?
MB: Oh it was strange… they would ring and then not say anything… so I just hung up on them.
Me: Good! That’s good. If someone is bothering you like that then you should hang up. How many calls did you get do you think?
MB: Yes, they rang again straight after so I hung up again.
Me: That’s good. How many times did they call do you think?
MB: Oh quite a few… (pause… thinking face…) maybe about twice.

I managed to figure out that she’d get these prank calls a couple or few times a week, and sometimes it would be a couple in the one day, in a row, one immediately after the other… always the same… no one on the other end.


Okay, so yesterday I was due to come home from work about midday and take her to keep a couple of appointments. I was going to be pressed for time so I decided to ring her to let her know what time I’d be there and to be sure to be ready for me.
Me: (Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnngg…)
MB: (click) silence (click… dial tone)
Me: (Oh… what happened there I wonder?)
Me: (Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnngg…)
MB: (click) silence (click… dial tone)
Me: (???)
Me: (Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnngg…)
MB: (click) silence (click… dial tone)
Me: (???) Oh for crying out load Mum.
Me: (Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnnggggg riiiiinnnggggg! Riiiiinnngg…)
Me: (Whilst phone is ringing…) HelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHello…
MB: Hello?
Me: Ahhh… Why didn’t you say hello?
MB: I just did.
Me: No, I mean before. Why didn’t you say hello when I rang before?
MB: You didn’t ring before.
Me: Yes I did… just a minute ago.
MB: Well I don’t remember speaking to you.
Me: That’s right, you didn’t speak to me.
MB: So you DIDN’T call.
Me: No… I mean yes I did… You… I…. (sigh) I’ll be there at 12:30, be ready for the Doctor’s.
MB: Doctor's...? Are you sick?
Me: See you soon... byeeee.

So, in the space of about three seconds, mum picks up the receiver, touches the earpiece to her ear, hears no sound, hangs up the phone… cutting off whomever it was that rang.


As I had planned, I got home early because there’s no rushing mum, so we had a moment to sit and gaze out at the front garden.
Me: You spoke to me on the phone before… right?
MB: (With incredulous look) Yes…
Me: Were there any other calls today?
MB: (With excitement at the memory) Yes… Yes I had a lot of calls today and they were all from those same people. You know the ones… they just sit there saying nothing.
Me: You do know that you should say hello.
MB: I do… if someone’s there.
Me: How do you find out if someone’s there?
MB: I listen of course.
Me: But they’re not going to be saying anything because they’re waiting for you to say hello. How else do they know if you’re there?
MB: (Another incredulous look) Of course they know I’m here… I picked up the phone didn’t I?

Sigh…




Bear.