When An Angel Cries...

A tear scores a line down her cheek,

As I look to my baby's eyes.

A havoc on my soul does wreak,

Whenever my Angel cries.

Her look is so open, as is her heart,

In her love I am never alone.

In distance we're doomed to be apart,

Much trouble endured on our own.

If I were a clown I would paint her face,

With colours of a happier hue.

Upon red lips, a smile I would place.

And of sadness there would be so few.

If I could conjure up some tricks,

I'd place happiness behind those eyes.

And in her heart I would place a mix,

Of love and wistful sighs.

I reach out for her soul to keep,

And as I do, I wonder why,

It was heard in Heaven's weep,

The sound of an Angel's cry.

In Hibernation...

Well I'm afraid the time has come for this Tubby Bear

to crawl into his cave, with Butch of course, and take

a well earned rest from the rigors of the world around

him.

All I can say for now, dear reader, is that I don't intend

coming back to this or any other blog... as the author that

is... I'll still pop in to your blog from time to time to leave

a comment or two.

Now I don't want you worrying about me, it's not that a

catastrophe has befallen me and my life is now in ruins,

that happened quite some time ago and was, at the time,

one of the reasons I started blogging.

But now? Well if anything it's quite the opposite now...

and Butch is a big part of that turnaround for me.

So fair well my friends and lurkers... take care and

keep up the good fight.

Cheers, Bear.

Being a tourist...

I did the touristy thing yesterday, but I doubt

I can do justice to it if I try describing

what I saw, so I'll let the images do the talking.

(click on images to see detail)

A two and a half hour drive through the Canadian

Rockies, and I found myself in Jasper, AB.

Jasper, the town, is virtually in the middle of Jasper,

the national park.

With ticket in hand... well sticky-taped to the

windscreen... I was good to go.

It really is a beautiful part of the world.

It's like driving through a wonderland.

And the locals seemed to like the place too.

Some of which had cute little houses...

(note the outside loo on the right... I'd say

with a loo like that, you'd really

need to go in mid winter)

Oh and this little house had quite a frontage...

As well as checking out lakes and mountains,

I went to a gorge.

This gorge isn't very wide, but it's 51 metres

at its deepest point.

See the foot bridge above? I was on that

when I took the pic below...

This is a mother Raven sitting on a nest

about halfway down the 5o metre wall of

the gorge, and apparently there are 4 eggs.

Its mate was with it just before I took

this shot, but unfortunately it flew off

just as I focussed.

There's plenty of things to look at in the

town of Jasper too, but it really is set up

for tourism.

But even so, it is a pretty place nestled

in amongst the snow capped mountains.

But being an Aussie, you know,

from that big dry sandpit in the

southern hemisphere, there was

one thing on this trip that really

impressed me. Watch the video

below...

It may not mean much to you, but I'd never

seen a frozen lake before.

I'm very lucky to see these things, in fact I'm

grateful.

Cheers.

Anniversary...

Even though we're on opposite sides of the earth,

I feel you by my side at every moment.

I love you, Butch, with everything that I am.

Your Bear.

A long way from home...

I'm currently in Canada... but I nearly wasn't.

I guess you're aware of one of the many TV shows that's

based on the theme of border protection. There's 

been a recent spate of shows that show real footage

of travellers going through airport customs and not quite

making it through for one reason or another.

Usually the people who are called to one side for closer
scrutiny are found to have a dubious reason for wanting
to enter the country, or they're carrying drugs, or perhaps
they're travelling on false passports. Whatever the reason
that they've been caught for, they usually look like they
deserved to be caught.

I've watched these shows numerous times as it fascinates
me that these people get caught out. I travel a lot and have
been through customs in many countries, and I have never
been asked to step to the side for the purpose of closer
scrutiny.

Well until this trip, that is.

When you arrive at the customs counter,
it depends what country you're entering as
to what you have to do when you get there.

In Zambia, I slipped the guy US$50 and I went
through unchallenged. In Indonesia it's a few
hundred thousand Indonesian Rupiah and you're
good to go. No questions, it's just a matter of
paying.

In the Us, Canada, Australia and most other countries
of the same 'type', the border isn't for raising money,
it's for keeping the unwanted out. So, when you hand
your passport over for inspection, they actually look at
it and the entry form you filled out on the plane and they
might even ask you why you are seeking entry to their 
country.

Up until this trip I had hardly ever been asked any
questions at the passport checkpoint. I mean really,
what threat does a rather cute looking bear pose?

  

Well this time, at a Canadian airport, the guy at the 

checkpoint asked me why I was coming to Canada.

As I said, I’ve been asked before why I’m 

wanting to enter a country, and I’ve usually said 

something vague like “I’m attending a conference or 

seminar...” The reason for asking is that they want to 

know if I was going there to perform a function 

that could be performed by locals... like acting as a 

consultant, which by the way is the main reason why I 

go anywhere. So if that’s the case then more questions 

are asked and I would need formal documentation from

 the client explaining why a local can't perform the 

function that I’m there to perform and so on... it can get 

very messy because special visas are required and in 

some countries it's quite a job to organise. So being vague 

and not looking like you’re there to steel jobs is usually 

the best thing to do.

However I didn't quite answer to the customs guy's liking. 

I really can't remember what I said or didn't say, but 

instead of letting me through he asked me to go to the 

Immigration office that was off to the side.

Uh-oh.

Well once in there I quickly new that precise answering 

was required when being asked specific questions... lying is 

just not an option. Fortunately, with the type of consulting 

that I do, there’s probably less than a dozen people in the 

world that do it... so therefore I’m not likely to be taking a 

local’s job... well that’s the tack I was taking... but to 

explain a job that’s taken me over 20 years to develop and 

perfect, to someone who’s not even of the industry is very 

difficult to do without it sounding like a no brainer and yes 

even your sniffer dog could do it. With every answer I 

offered I could feel the whole thing slipping from me.

I kept at it as best I could... explaining and answering her, 

but she was really having difficulty understanding why the 

Canadian client had sent for an Australian consultant to do 

something that didn't sound too specialised and that surely 

there were Canadians that were just as capable.

It wasn't looking good.

I was frantically trying to think of something that I could say that 

meant I was the only one that could do what I was there to do. 

I had already mentioned that training was one of the services 

that I was providing but it still wasn’t unique enough. I have to 

say, I was starting to feel very uncomfortable with the 

prospect of being refused entry. when it dawned on me...

"Well the main reason why I'm here is because they bought my 

company's software a while ago and I'm here to train them in its 

use." Which is not entirely true because many clients use our 

software without training, and the 3 day course I run is on the 

theory and principles applied by the software’s function rather 

than how to use the application. But it was enough for her to change 

focus away from stealing jobs to finding out if there was a 

requirement in Canada’s customs legislation that excluded me 

from doing that without a visa... she said there was an exemption 

for US citizens but she had to check if there was one for 

Aussies as well. Fortunately it was eventually decided that I could 

come in and do what I was there to do. After that, and as she 

stamped everything in sight as they do, she said that I was very 

very close to being put back on the plane and sent back to 

where I came from.

That was a nerve wracking hour or so. And I shudder to 

think what the client would’ve said if I was sent away... I mean

they’re paying my company US$38,000 to have me there for a 

couple of weeks. I'd hate to have to reimburse them out of my

meagre pay. 

I have learnt something from this though... no matter what 

country I’m entering, and no matter why I'm entering it, 

my stock answer if asked will be... 

“I’m a chimney sweep.”

Oh well, all's well that ends well I guess.

Cheers.

I'm not anal...

Here, you decide.

On the flight over I had just finished my

meal and happened to look over at the tray

of the lady sitting next to me... 

Pretty untidy.

Then I looked beyond at her husband's tray...

Not much better.

So I then glanced down at my tray...

I promise, this wasn't a set-up.

So, what do you think? Am I anal or just a neat

little bear?

Cheers.

Bon voyage...

Yes I'm off again... 

I'm heading back to Canada until the 

11th of April. 

Here's where I'm going...

To a little mining town called Grande Cache, Alberta.

Here's a closer look...

...except at the moment the whole area is blanketed

in snow.

And here's where my office will be...

As usual, click any of the images to see them larger.

I'll be there over Easter, and as I'll have a 

vehicle, it will also mean that I'll be able to 

head off to one of the nearby national parks 

and do the touristy thing.

So take care and I'll be back soon with some 

pics to show you.

Please don't break anything whilst I'm gone.

Cheers.

Sleep deprived...?

... not me.

Butch has been remarking of late, on how my

sleep and dream patterns work. She's amazed by
it, and concerned that I might actually have an issue
that needs professional consideration and perhaps
intervention. (She worries about her Tubby Bear).

Let me explain... and it's hard to know where to
start, but start we will.

When I sleep properly, and by that I mean that I'm
in bed all tuckered out and tucked in, I end up in a
deep sleep and I'm not easily roused from it. No
surprises there. When I'm in REM sleep I dream
rather vividly... and not only that, my dreams, in the
main, are rather off beat as well. And I would guess 
that most of us have a similar experience, albeit 
to varying degrees.

As you know there are various stages of sleep and we
usually get to the REM stage after about 90 minutes
and then we head off to our own nocturnal cinema
for a private showing of our latest dream epic.

By vivid I mean that there's no dreamlike quality to
my dreams... they're as real to me as you reading 
this post is to you right now.

And another thing... whilst reading this post I bet you 
still have other things ticking over in your mind... in 
the background to what you're doing you would 
usually have a narrative, or your 'inner voice', going 
on at the same time and that you're only paying half 
attention to. You sometimes listen to that background
noise, or you might engage with it, or indeed ignore it
whilst all the time carrying out what it is that you're
focussed on. As far as I know, and I'm prepared to
be corrected on this, we don't have that narrative
running in the background mind of our 'dream' us...
that is to say that whilst we are dreaming and acting
out what's going on in the dream, we don't usually
have our disengaged inner voice rabbiting on at
the same time in the background.


Well actually... I do.

I'm usually aware that I'm dreaming, and not only that,
my inner voice is sometimes assessing the credibility
of what's going on in the dream... to the point where
my inner voice says something like... "Come on, that'd
never happen..." and the conscious part of my mind
influences the subconscious dreaming part to change
what's going on, or failing that, my conscious mind
changes channel and I start an entirely new dream.
I've actually had my inner voice say, on more than one
occasion "This dream is getting ridiculous... " and I either
start a new dream or I wake up.

I guess it could be categorised as lucid dreaming.

That's all well and good, unusual maybe, but not the
whole story...

I also nod-off... I don't just nod-off, I nod-off at the
drop of a hat... and I very often have no warning that
I'm about to nod-off. In fact I can nod-off and be well
asleep in a matter of seconds. And the strange thing is
that I have no idea that I'm about to nod-off... don't 
get me wrong... I do feel weary and sometimes quite 
tired, but that condition doesn't necessarily result in 
me nodding-off. No, it most often happens without 
warning... and not only that, but I start dreaming 
immediately when I nod-off. In fact I go seamlessly
from thought to dream... and I therefore I don't 
notice that I'm asleep.

By that I'm not suggesting that I go directly to 
REM sleep, but I do go directly to dreaming.

My nod-off dreams are different in that they aren't
as lucid as my REM dreams... I know I'm asleep
and dreaming when I'm in REM, but I have no idea
that I'm asleep and dreaming if I've just nodded off.

When do I nod-off? I could be at the computer and
have interrupted my typing to think about what I 
would type next, and I nod-off. Or I could be reading, 
or watching TV or even carrying on a conversation, 
and without realising it my eyes will close and the 
activity I was engaged in, whether it be thinking, 
reading, watching TV or listening to someone speak 
to me, just rolls on as a dream. At that point I 
no longer aware of what I was doing 
just seconds before and my mind cranks up the 
movie projector, and in a seamless manner switches 
to a manufactured continuation within my mind of
what I was doing just moments before. But it 
doesn't end there because these dreams can be
quite bizarre. I mean really strange.

Quite some years ago I was sitting in the family 
room with a couple of the kids and we were 
watching some talking head type show on TV 
when I nodded off. One of the kids nudged me a
few minutes later and I woke up and immediately
launched into a review of what I was dreaming.

The kids didn't believe me.

So we sat there for a few minutes and they noticed
that I had again nodded off... nudge... and another
explanation of what I was dreaming... and 
further fascination. It was that exercise that showed
me that I not only started dreaming the moment sleep
took hold, but I realize now why it is that I don't have
a clue that I'm even lightly asleep.

When you're sitting there thinking, you don't mistake it
for being asleep and dreaming. And I guess when you 
nod-off you just slip ever so lightly into sleep that you're
still aware of your surroundings to some degree. When
I nod-off I'm fully dreaming the next phase to what I 
was thinking and I have no idea that I've nodded off.

When I wake under these conditions i have total recall
of what I had just been dreaming... when I wake after
a proper sleep in my bed, I still have a very high recall
rate.

I wonder if I do need looking into as Butch suggests...
maybe I should sleep on it.

Goodnight.

Life's not a musical...

... it's a movie isn't it?

How are you with musicals? For me, whether stage or 

cinema, I just couldn't get in to musicals. I can't relate 

to them, they don't make sense and they're just one notch 

away from opera and ballet in the 'take seriously' category.

However, there is one that I have always liked... have a 

guess which one;

1.   Sound of Music       .
2.   Grease                  .
3.   West Side Story     .
4.   Blues Brothers       .
5.   Rocky Horror Show.

6.   Or something else?.

West Side Story... why that has grabbed me I don't know,

but I do remember it playing at the cinema when I was about

11 or 12 years old, I'd have to look up its year of release to

say for sure, but I knew nothing about the movie. I didn't see

it at the time. My first exposure to it was when my mother played

the soundtrack on the gramophone sometime during that period.

"Pull back the shield between us, and I'll kiss 
you, Drop your defenses and come, into 
my arms. I'm all for believing, I'm 
all for believing."

By the time I was 13 going 14, I had started buying record

albums and hiving off to my room to play them on the little 
portable gramophone that I had been given. I had 
discovered Cream, Hendrix, Velvet Underground and John 
Mayall, among others, and they were all on high rotation on 
my play list. I can't remember how it came about that the 
West Side Story was in my room, but I put it on one day and 
listened to it as closely as I listened to my other albums 
and it struck a chord with me.

I played that album a lot for a while and I still have it in my 

collection to this day. I've since seen the movie a few times and

thoroughly enjoyed it... no doubt because I already liked the 
songs, but none the less, the movie was enjoyable. (I did go 
to a few midnight screenings of The Rocky Horror Show 
in my day, but that was more of an event than going to 
a musical).

But the point is... when does someone break into song during the

normal course of the day as if it were the norm? That's what a 
musical is isn't it? It's presented as if people just break into a 
song without any preamble or second thought... and just as 
amazing, the people around are not only accepting of the fact 
that their colleague/neighbour/policeman or whatever is 
singing instead of talking, they spontaneously break out into 
a choreographed song and dance routine as well.

"I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you;
I need to find the key let me in, into your heart, to find 
your soul."

Suspend reality...? Suspend my brain, you mean. I 
like my movies to reflect life a bit more realistically 
than a musical does.

Well that notion is under threat now. 
My whole understanding and opinion of musicals has just been 
challenged... perhaps musicals are more reflective of reality 
than I ever gave them credit for. 

So what am I on about? Well here's what happened a few days 
ago...

As you might know, Butch and I like to occasionally switch the 
universe off so that there's no background noise, and focus on 
each other for a while. We both have very busy lives which 
tends to occupy us in such a way that we almost lose sight of 
each other through it all. So every now and then we set time 
aside just for us. It could be as little as a few hours or as much 
as a  few days, but it's a time that we steal ourselves away and 
close off all outside influences and concentrate on 
reconnecting with each other.

"I'm all for believing, if you can reveal, the true colours 
within, And say you will be there for me to hold,
When the faith grows old (I'm all for believing)
And life turns cold, (I'm all for believing)" 

We've just spent three days doing exactly that... there's a 
few things that come out of it that show's it to be a very good 
thing for us to do.

We do as two people in love would do, so there's no need 
to expand on that here, but we also talk, and just as 
importantly, we spend time listening to each other too. It's 
very satisfying and very healthy for our relationship. Well 
this time we were sitting on the couch and there was a 
particular CD playing in the background... one of Butch's 
favourites... and one song has lyrics that reflects the 
tenuous start to our relationship. I didn't know it until then, 
but the song's narrative was as if I had written it, it spoke 
as if I were saying the words. 

"So if you're cold I will stay, maybe fate will guide the 
way. I believe in what I see and baby we were meant 
to be, Just believe. Just believe. Just believe.
Trust in me." 

A beautiful song... made infinitely more beautiful by Butch 
just breaking in over the top of it and singing it to me... 
she held my gaze with her beautiful eyes and caressed my 
soul with her beautiful voice whilst filling my heart with 
beautiful words. I sat there with tears rolling down 
my cheeks... it was such a beautiful moment.

Thank you Butch... you've made my life a musical and I 
love it.

Love Bear.